Monday, October 13, 2008

Not 100% New Material

Hello. My name is Red Delicious, and I make lists. The following is a list of things I will be writing about as we get to know each other.

1. Baseball. I write a lot about baseball. Specifically, the Houston Astros, but most Major League teams and their Minor League affiliates will be subject to my scrutiny. You may love baseball, or you may hate it. Bear with me - I'm by no means exclusive, and I suck at adhering to formats, so you'll get a little bit of everything from me. That said, I will at diverse times discuss the overall awesomeness of Roy Oswalt, hereafter sometimes referred to as Rock.

2. Dogs. I've got two. They are 3 years old and nine months old, respectively, so I anticipate they'll be a part of my life for a long time. This does not mean I will be maintaining a "doggy blog," or anything like that. Let it just be known that These Apples fully supports the Tao of Canines, and will post observations of their behavior.

These are my dogs, and they are more awesome than most things to me.

3. Playmaking. I majored in it. I enjoy it. I'm not going to hawk it in a desperate grab for attention, but I will probably promote it now and then. Most of the time, I prefer the autocracy of directing.

4. Insanity. This comes up a lot. When inspiration strikes, you will hear from me about exploding whales, Gary Sheffield, the news media, and anything else that strikes my fancy.

5. Nerdery. Be warned: you will read about Batman, Gnomish Bards, The Barenaked Ladies, Car Talk, Earth-That-Was, time travel, cartoons, protocol droids, and John C. McGinley on this space.

6. Texas. Texas is the bees' knees. Deal with it.

7. Comedy. I'm a big fan. If I think something is hilarious, I'm going to want to share it with you. Many times, this has to do with someone like Seanbaby, or the guys at Fire Joe Morgan, or McSweeny's. I will not repost what I don't write myself, but I may link. And I will talk about it as though you have read / seen / heard it. Whenever I bring something up you recognize and don't want spoiled (i.e. "Dwight Schrute's recent erratic behavior...") consider it a spoiler alert.

8. Poetry. Every now and again I write poems. I like to put them on my blog when I do. If you like it, great, but you don't have to tell me and you're certainly welcome to ignore them if you don't care. I won't think any less of you if you do.

9. Baseball. This bears repeating. I write a LOT about baseball.

10. Evil. I've said this before, but newcomers to my writing may not realize that it is the personal mission of These Apples to fight evil and injustice wherever they may lurk, then brag to our friends about it, invariably lying about the degree of success (which is cool because nobody's going to go to Hitler's grave to see if he really rose as a vampire). If you or anyone you know has a problem with evil, it is best to contact These Apples in lieu of local law enforcement. In fact, many policemen have been known to escort and protect Dick Cheney, which makes their evil recognition / combatting powers questionable, at best.

So that's it. I'll probably start by re-posting the stuff I'm proud of from the old blog before I phase it out. In the meantime, feel free to stop by and say hi.

All for now.


Anonymous said...

Earth That Was! Brown Coats unite!

Your dogs are precious in their absolute dogginess. Awwwwww.

Anonymous said...

Apparently I'm not in the top ten.

Red Delicious said...

Hi, sweetie. I love you, and you are my wife, and I wished to spare you from the enterprise in geekery, but if you insist, I will blog all about you.